Pink Ballerina's

It's true when they say the older you get, the more you appreciate the simple things in life. I recently took a bite of a cake with pink frosting - I was immediately transported back to one of my many birthday cakes my mama made me. Each year I made the same request.....cherry chip cake with cherry icing. She lovingly decorated my cake with these little ballerinas. I was always so excited to see the cake and take off each ballerina and lick the icing off the bottom. Over the years the cake stayed the same and the ballerinas dissappeared for one reason or another. I didn't realize until I took a bite of that cake how much I longed for that simple joy. My mama making the cake she knew that would make me smile - placing each ballerina with love.

With one bite, I was able to relive a precious memory. I still have one ballerina left, it is 40+ years old and not quite as colorful as it once was. I am sure to most it would look like a old childs plaything, not anything of value. To me...just like my mama's love - it is priceless.

Along with the rest of the world I made the resolution to "lose weight". A co-worker and I went to weight watchers. After carefully looking over the new "magical" plan to finally lose those unwanted pounds we embarked on our first week. I was so careful with each mouthful I took this week. I ate the dreaded broccoli...hardly had any bread (that alone dang near killed me) and turned down pizza and cake at work. I met my friend and confidant Aleta for a bite to eat and catch up on the news of the day and even then I was good...I ordered a rubbery chicken breast (you know the kind) chewed real slow and pretended it was awesome. Oh how I wanted a greasy cheeseburger and fries. Still I hung tough. I just knew the payoff would be worth it. Each day at work my ww buddy would share with me how she did the night before. She was worried that she had blown it by eating out at the Chinese restaurant a couple of times this week. Well...the moment of truth finally arrived. Our first week weigh in. While standing in line one lady announced she had lost 5 pounds....another lost 4 pounds. Cheers went up when one lost a whopping 8 pounds! My friend went first....good news...4.2 pounds. Finally I stepped up on the scale - all smug and confident and waited for the good news. When the lady said 1 pound - wait...what??? 1 pound??? I dang near fell over. What???????? I couldn't believe my ears! I was so disappointed. All I could think of was the pizza I had foolishly passed up. Good Grief.

On the way home I thought to myself..."Thank Goodness I had gotten my hair cut the night before....if not I would have probably weighed even more"!

My mama said I came into this world with a fat, dimpled bootie! Yep...4 lbs and apparently all of it landed in my rump! It has been my albatross. Oh how I longed to have a small fanny. Over the years I have done everything to camoflague it. (Just a FYI...nothing, and I mean nothing, works)!!! Whether I was 100 pounds or 200 pounds (yep, that part is true too) it was still there just waiting to attract attention. Not the good kind either. All during my teenage years I prayed I would wake up one day with a small set of hips. When that didn't work, I prayed that God would give me the confidence it would take to be able to get through the day with this obvious flaw. My mama assured me that I was" just like all the women in France "that men modeled the famous statues after. Well, that was a little less than reassuring considering I am no where near France!
She has reminded me time and time again...I am just like God wanted me to be ... curvy. Just about the time I try to do what Oprah suggest and "embrace my body image" someone says something to remind me of my less than normal backside! I could recount story after story of the humiliating things that have been said to me over the years. Lets see....there was the time a little boy said "Mama, that lady has a large body"......or how about the time at a party I was referred to as the dreaded "Bertha". Don't get me wrong....us curvy girls can attract men...but they are mostly perverts who exhibit less than gentlemanly qualities! I am blessed to be loved by a man who loves me "guts, feathers and all". And though I have the knowledge that in the end all that matters is what's on the inside....how you live your life.....I can't help but cringe when I hear Sir Mix A Lot singing "I like big butts".............

My Mama

I have been told the story many times in my life - about how special the day was when my mama first saw me. How precious and small I was. (Although, even then I have been told I had dimples in my butt...more on that another time........)! How I was everything she had ever dreamed of. I was the answer to a prayer. I could not possibly know at that moment how much love my mama had for me. Time and time again she has shown that love in many ways. As I have gotten older it is so apparent. She is so precious to me. I often wonder if I have lived up to what she imagined in those first moments.